There is no shame in needing more

One who is well-fed, well-connected and well-aware cannot be bribed with food, power or opportunity…

I had a messy night. Bruises were inflicted and dark words were spoken by a daughter of light to her own reflection. I can talk about the feelings but don’t get me started on the thoughts; oh those thoughts that hope to sprout legs and dance on the grave of my expectations.

I was thirsty. So thirsty. In the course of the day I had had cereal, agege bread and stew with smoked chicken, milo and milk but the thirst remained.

My mouth was missing something.

I paced around my room as words from my psychology texts began their gleeful parade across the strait of my consciousness:

“Neuroticism”

“Addiction”

“Oral fixation”

That last one I hate most of all. I have been putting things in my mouth for many years so why should I suddenly think there is something wrong with how and how often I choose to exercise my tongue and teeth?

Like a larva in pupal stage, I felt my bones being crushed together and ripped apart at the same time — now, I have never spoken to a butterfly one on one but I suspect that entering a cocoon as one thing and then coming out as something quite different must be somewhat painful — all because of the way I chose to quench my thirst.

It shot through my veins; I was hitting myself again without even knowing. It felt like someone else was doing it and maybe it would’ve been more cinematic that way.

I slept like a corpse and once awake, I made my way out of my blanket one wing after the other thinking “hey, maybe life isn’t a room full of flytraps designed for me and other creatures of flight; maybe life has other things in it.

I have not perfectly figured out what that means for me and for my today but I do know that when I am thirsty, I shall carry a big bucket to fetch and drink pure water from this well and I shall linger incase I need more… There is no shame in needing more.